Liam, Angelus, Angel
by Aloura
Summary: ok this is angel's life from his POV. Look it delves into Angel's mind do i really need to say more?
1. Default Chapter

Ok, this is my attempt to tell Angel's story from his prospective. It's sorta like a diary I guess. Disclaimer: I don't own Angel * sniff * I don't own buffy either or any of the characters on either of the shows.  
  
* There's moments in your life that make you. That set the course of who you're going to be. Sometimes they're little subtle moments. Sometimes they're not. *  
  
  
  
My name is Liam, or it was back then. Back then being 1727. Yeah, that was a while ago. I go by Angel now. My last name? I don't really have one, I know I did once, when I was human. Ok, by now your probably thinking I'm crazy, that your reading a story written by the guy who escaped from the asylum and goes around calling himself Angel. And I'd be entitled to agree with you.but I've seen too much the past two hundred and fifty years. Yeah, you heard me right, two hundred and fifty. I should let you on in a little secret about your planet Earth. It may belong to humans in the day, but at night.it belongs to others. Mainly demons, vampires, werewolves, you name it. All those little stories your parents told you to scare you when you were little? The majority of them are either true or have a lot of truth in them. There may not be a boogie man, but there are definitely things that go 'bump' in the night.  
  
  
  
Ok by now your probably wondering what the point is of my story, or what it's about. Basically, I guess this is about me, about my race, if you can call them that. What's my race? Vampires, vampari, bloodsuckers of the night, take your pick. I suppose a lot of you are wondering why you would care to read about a vampire's life, how interesting could it possibly be? And you're probably right, but it's something I need to tell. You know you have that one secret you've been holding onto forever and you feel a sudden need to tell? That's how this is. My life, the places I've been, the people I've met, the things I've done. Not many people know about it, I'm told it's all in books and scrolls, but they don't know the whole story. They can't. How could they possibly say 'he was thinking this' or ' he did it because.'? I'm the only one on who knows that, and I'm hoping that telling will ease my guilt, my pain just a little bit. So here it goes, the story of my life, not too pretty I can tell you and I expect that a lot of people will come to dislike me after I'm done, but I don't want to carry this anymore. I don't want to spend endless hours brooding in the dark, remembering...  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
Galaway, Ireland, 1727  
  
  
  
A tortured scream echoed through a small house. There were oil lamps lit in the room the screams emitted from. It was a woman, lying flat on her back. Her brown hair was matted down with sweat, her brown eyes were wide with pain. She wasn't alone in their room, to her right a young man, maybe twenty-five, held her hand and whispered encouraging words in her ear. At her feet and old midwife, dressed in a simple brown cotton dress gave her instructions.  
  
"Alright now lass, breath. That's girl. You're almost there now." The woman screamed again, this one louder than the rest. He voice was joined by another, smaller, more high pitched cry. "Oh, heavens me, it's a boy!" The midwife exclaimed happily as she rapped the newborn in a clean cloth. She cleaned up the mother and the infant before she handed Alyson her child. "He looks like he's goin' to be grow to be a fine, strong lad." Alyson smile was a little strained. She was tired and she wanted to sleep, but she wanted to hold him just a little bit longer. Her smile widened. My little Liam. Michael and her had already picked out names, Liam for a boy, Kathy for a girl. She drifted off to sleep thinking of her beautiful baby boy.  
  
"Is she goin' to be alrigh?" Her husband, Michael, asked glancing at Alyson nervously. He hadn't expected her to be in so much pain. It unnerved him.  
  
"She'll be alright, she just needs her rest." The midwife said smiling knowingly. The fathers were always worried after the first birth. "Now you raise that boy to be right. I'll not be one to bring a troublemaker into this world." She said sternly. He gave her a good- natured smile.  
  
"Of course. No one in me family's goin' to be raised anything but proper. I've got a reputation in this town you know." She smiled. She knew they would do well. They were good people.  
  
~ 27 years later (1753) ~  
  
The blow came before I could move. It hit me in the side of the head and I staggered, more from the alcohol than the actual hit.  
  
"Boy! What have I told ya about comin' here drunk? If you're not goin' to work, I don't' want ya in me house!" I laughed. What can I say? I was really drunk and everything was funny.  
  
"Your so uptight father. Here have a drink." I smiled; my irish accent was thicker because of the alcohol. I held up a half full bottle of sprits. He hit me again and then he bodily moved me from the house.  
  
"Get out!" he pushed me out the door. I stumbled and landed on my face. My father went back inside the house with a snort of disgust and slammed the door. I got up groggily, my mind fogged with alcohol. 'Did I just get thrown out?' I shrugged. Or at least I tried to in my drunken state. 'Off to the pub then.' I met up with my friend, Alex, about halfway there.  
  
"Top of the mornin' to ya." I said, my words slurred.  
  
"Liam, it's night." He said, not yet drunk and obviously thinking straight.  
  
"I know." We sang some drinking songs as we made our way to the pub. Several times a neighbor threw something at us screaming for quiet. They just didn't know how to have fun. Didn't they know how young the night was? We navigated the narrow, cobblestone streets of Galaway, stumbling often but we managed to get there without more than a few cuts and bruises.  
  
  
  
By then Alex was completely drunk. He'd finished my half bottle of spirits, strong stuff, we weren't amateur drinkers after all. We finally found ourselves in the pub, making our way toward our usual table. I looked in the mirror by the entrance. I wore my hair long, as was the style back then. Quite a few strands had come lose. I tried to put them back but the damn things kept falling back in my face. I wore simple brown pants of the Irish style and a white tunic. Well, it use to be white, before I fell in the dirt. Or was I pushed? I couldn't remember. I gave up on trying to fix my appearance, I never had trouble getting a lady, so why worry?  
  
This was my life, not very glamorous, but then I didn't expect it to be. I only did two things. I drank and I womanized. That's a nice way of saying that I went whoring. I had no ambitions and I avoided work like the plague. Actually I would have rather had the plague. I only had one ambition in life, aside from drinking myself into oblivion. I wanted to see the world. I wanted to get away from the dump of a town, from my family, especially my father. I yearned to see Dublin, Wales, England, Rome, Paris, Germany, Scotland, all the exotic places. I did get to see a few of those, though not all, but that part comes later.  
  
I walked, as well as a drunk could, into the pub. The pub was small wht just a wooden bar and five round, wooden tables. It was packed full tonight and smelled of smoke and alcohol and people laughed, dance and sang. We sat down at our usual table and ordered a round of drinks. Immediately two girls in low cut dresses came to our table. Soon we were singing with the other drunks, far gone now, with a girl in each of our laps. I was having a grand time, forgotten all about my father and my apparent disownment. Alcohol will do that for you. It's why there are so many drunks in the world. We ordered another round of drinks and the barman glared at us.  
  
"I'll have to have me money for the last few rounds first lads."  
  
"Oh, come now. Ya know who I am." I said.  
  
"Yeah, I know who ya are, but I still need the money now."  
  
"Well, alright then. Alex pay the man." I said smiling and waving. Alex looked at me his eyes glazed over.  
  
"I don't have any money."  
  
"Blarmey, me neither." The bartender's face turned a bright shade of red.  
  
"No money! What do you two think coming to me pub without pay! Get out!" 'Oh great, it must be throw Liam out night again.' My drunkened mind reasoned. He threw us out telling us not to come back without pay. I helped Alex up.  
  
"I'll just steal some silver from my father. He won't notice, man eats with his hands, the beast." Alex passes out in the street. "You just rest here then." I said walking away. And then I saw her. She was standing in front of an alley; the moonlight silhouetted her figure. 'What?' I thought I was hallucinating. Ladies who could afford nice dresses like that would die before being caught on this side of town. My curiosity got the better of me and I walked to the alley, not stumbling now. As they say curiosity killed the cat.  
  
She stood there; her back to me, her blonde hair pulled up elegantly. Her dress was white, the seams streaked with gold. I swallowed and found my voice.  
  
"So, I'd ask me self what's a lady of your stature doing alone in an alley with a reputation that this one has?"  
  
"Maybe she's lonely." Her voice was melodious and heaven to my ears. She turned around and a gasp caught in my throat. She was even more beautiful up close. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered why she was having this effect on me. I'd seen ladies prettier than her. But I didn't hear that voice, all of my concentration was on her. Maybe if I'd been sober I things would have been different, but I doubt that. I hear you can't escape fate, I know you can't escape fate. Believe me I've tried. I sincerely believe that it was the alcohol talking though. I generally went about these things with a little more.tact.  
  
"In that case I'd offer me self as escort to protect ya from harm and to wile away the dull hours."  
  
"Your most gracious." She said smiling. Her smile unnerved me a bit, I didn't know why, but I wasn't going to let a catch like this get away.  
  
"Has often been said."  
  
"Are you certain you're up to the challenge." Her eyes sparkled with amusement.  
  
"Milady, You'll find that with the exception of an honest days work, there is no challenge I'm not prepared to face." I stepped closer to her, I could smell her perfume. My brown eyes met her blue ones. I felt drawn to her and I couldn't figure out why, not that I tried very hard. "Oh but you're a pretty sight. Were you from?" I traced my had down her jawbone, reveling in it's soft feel.  
  
"Around, everywhere." She said smiling lightly.  
  
"I've never been anywhere me self. Always wanted to see the world but -"  
  
"I could show you." She said eagerly.  
  
"Could you then?" I said, never taking my eyes from hers.  
  
"Things you've never seen never even heard of." She was slightly excited now.  
  
"Sounds excitin'" And it did. Maybe, just maybe I'd get to live my dream.  
  
"It is.and frightening." What did she mean? I didn't care, I wasn't afraid.  
  
"I'm not afraid. Show me, show me your world." She gave me a full smile this time, one that reached her eyes. They sparkled. It was the strangest thing. I wanted to lose myself in her eyes. When I'd entered the alley I was just looking for a good time, but now it was about something else. It was about dreams, my dreams.  
  
"Close your eyes." I complied, wondering why. I always wondered why, drove my parents crazy when I was younger. I hadn't asked them 'why' for a long time now. I avoided them all, even my little sister Kathy. I gasped as I felt a sharp pain in my neck, my eyes wide though I saw nothing. And I was.floating. I really don't know how to describe it. The world swirled and I felt something soft on my neck, something running down it. Blood? Suddenly I was thirsty. My mouth was dry, parched. I was pulled forward and there was something wet in front of me. I drank it in greedily, wetting my dry throat. It tasted metallic. But I didn't care, I needed it, I craved it.  
  
And then my world went black.  
  
  
  
Well what do u think? Should I continue? R+R!!! by the way I know Angel can't remember the day he was born, but I figured I should try to show why his father is like he is. Angel's ruining his rep. 


	2. chapter 2

Sooooo sorry it took me so long to get this out. It took me 4ever to find the script for the scenes. And then I had a major attack of laziness. Newayz here it is I hope u like.  
Disclaimer.- I don't own angel/buffy.but one day I will!!!!! I swear it!!!!!!!!! Mwahahahaha!  
  
Destiny. Such a small word for such an important concept. The dictionary says it's the preordained or inevitable course of events considered as something beyond the power or control of man. But destiny is so much more than just a course in our lives we can't change. Destiny is who we are, why we're here. We were made for a purpose, for a single function.  
  
Everyone has destiny, no matter what race, ethnic group, or gender. Some destinies are smaller than others, some larger than everyone else's, but we all have one. People were put on this world for a reason, and sometimes we don't know what that reason is. It may be something as small as, having a family and bearing children, it could be something as important as saving someone's soul, or something as big as saving the world.  
  
Sometimes we don't like our destiny, but you can't escape it, believe me, I've tried. It's already set, long before you were born, and unchangeable thread in the tapestry of life. Each action in your life leads to a reaction. Your thread crosses with others, ends with others, entwines with other lives as the picture of life progresses.  
  
My destiny in life was to walk into that alley and die. The action serves the reaction. My simple destiny in life, became more complicated in death, a series of actions all leading one great reaction in the end.  
I died in that alley at the age of 26. Hadn't seen the world, never made up with my father, never got married, never had kids. Sounds sad doesn't it? And maybe it would have been, but I didn't stay dead. No, I wasn't miraculously cured. The cut on my neck gone, I was dead for all purposes. No heart beat. But I still rose. I rose to plague humanity, one of my many destinies. It was just another way for fate to toy with my life. I remember that night like it was yesterday.I remember everything like it was yesterday.  
Gaglaway, Ireland 1753  
I woke up to darkness. A musty smell surrounded me. I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face. I had no clue were I was and to tell the truth I was a little scared. I feared the dark, the unknown that the absolute blackness around me brought. Why can't I see? All my thoughts disappeared when I felt the thirst. Yes, the same thirst I had the night before. I could remember last night, bits and pieces anyway. A vision here and there, a beautiful lady telling me she'd show me her world. My thoughts were driven aside, the thirst intensified with every second. I had to quench it. I could hear a rushing in my ears.like water flowing down a brook, only it was different somehow. I knew that I had to get to it if I was to find peace from my overbearing thirst. I growled animal like and tore my fist upward. I crawled, or climbed, I'm not sure. My fist crunched through wood and hit.dirt? I scrambled out of the ground, my nails tearing the ground, intent upon subduing my intense thirst.  
  
I crawled from the ground to be greeted by the beautiful blonde. She smiled and helped me to my feet. She wore a blue dress this time around, but otherwise she looked exactly the same, even had the same hair style. The same beautiful eyes, I would have stared into those eyes for an eternity if it wasn't for my thirst.  
  
"Welcome to my world. It hurts, I know, but not for long. Birth is always painful." I was breathing hard, the exertion of climbing out of my own grave, the countless noises about me.  
  
"I could feel them, above me, as I slept in the earth. Their heartbeats, their blood, coursing, through their veins." I was confused. I didn't understand these new feelings, these new abilities I had. How did I get them?  
  
"Yes." She kept smiling.  
  
"Was it a dream?" It had to be a dream, my mind reasoned. Nobody can hear the movement of blood, people's voices six feet above them, it was impossible. She moved closer to me. I could feel the heat radiating off her body.  
  
"A dream for you. Soon, their nightmare." Nightmare? I had no clue what she was talking about. How could my dream be their nightmare and who were they? My thoughts were interrupted by an old man. He was bent over, a small lantern held in this hand. His dark eyes under bushy eyebrows were squinting, trying to penetrate the darkness. He spotted us,  
  
"You there!" He saw the disturbed grave and his eyes widened. "What have you done?" His voice was shrill, frightened. "Grave robbers!" He said the two words as a curse. I walked toward him only looking back once for confirmation. Darla nodded her head and gave me a reassuring smile.  
  
"You know what to do." I turned and continued toward the groundskeeper. My normally angelic face changed. My canines elongated, the teeth between shorter but just as sharp, my eyes glowed a dull yellow. My forehead was ridged, like the aliens on that one show.Star Trek, the Klingons I think. To put it mildly, I was scary, especially to a simple Irish peasant. The man dropped his lantern and began to pray in earnest.  
  
"Our Father, who art in heaven hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, give us this day our daily..." His fear exhilarated me, a sort of high came over me. False adrenaline pumped through my stopped veins. I bit him and sweet blood filled my mouth. I drank greedily, pausing once to look at Darla before I drained the rest of the life out of him. I shoved the dead, cold body away from me. I changed my face back to its human form and took a couple of deep breaths before facing Darla again. Darla, that was her name. How did I know? I can't consciously recall when I learned her name, I simply knew. She later explained about the bond between us.  
  
"It all makes sense now doesn't it?" She asked. I nodded.  
  
"Perfect sense." And it did make perfect sense. I knew what I was, what I could and probably would do. To tell the truth I was thoroughly enjoying myself and I planned to have more fun before the night was up. The rush of killing was already wearing off and I idly wondered how much more satisfying it would be if my prey didn't die so soon. I noticed my "tombstone." It was normal, nothing special about it, just a rock. In neat letters it said 'Liam, 1727-1753. Beloved Son.' I resisted the urge to snort like a hog. Beloved son my ass. They hated me and I hated them.  
  
"You do anything, have anyone in the village, you know. Who will it be?" She was taking the part of the follower tonight, letting me have my 'play time', time to discover my abilities.  
  
"Anyone?" It sounded like a pretty good deal to me. I was anxious to try out a few things, like the strength I could feel coursing through me. She nodded, her eyes flickered with interest, awaiting my answer. "I thought I'd take the village." I shrugged and she grinned, delight evident in her eyes. Yes, her new mate was definitely going to be fun.  
***  
I walked from the cemetery. My path a straight line, I knew exactly where I was going. Darla, my beautiful sire, followed behind me, her eyes sparkled in excitement and anticipation. I neared my goal, it was a simple, Irish merchant's house. MY house, my home. The lamps inside were lit and light radiated form the glass windows, cutting slices into the night's darkness. I took a look at my family, all sitting in the den. My mother was sitting on the couch, my weeping sister, Kathy, in her arms. She rocked the ten-year-old slowly, murmuring words of comfort in her tiny ears. To say the least I was a bit shocked, they actually cared that I died. My eyes traveled to my father. He sat in his favorite chair, still as a rock, unmoving, unblinking. I felt anger boil. 'He' didn't care. He never cared. A few new ideas form in my mind. I smiled gleefully, my smile really only a smirk that one could call impish. I walked to the front door and knocked. Darla stood back in the shadows, preparing herself for a night of entertainment. I heard footsteps approaching the door. It was forcefully yanked open and a string of curses flowed out into the night. The 'flowered' speech abruptly stopped when the speaker looked at his visitor. I smirked, delight welling up in my being. My mother stepped around the corner, curious as to who would be visiting at this ungodly hour. She gasped and leaned against the nearby wall to keep herself from falling. My father finally found his voice.  
  
"You're dead." He stated. I could hardly contain my grin.  
  
"Not completely as you can see." My face morphed into it's demonic form. My mother took one look at me and fainted.  
  
"A demon!" My father hissed. I could smell the fear radiating off of him. I loved it. I took a step toward him and hit a solid wall. I growled partly in pain and partly in surprise. My father took the opportunity to slam the door shut.  
  
"What happened?" I asked Darla. She chuckled lightly.  
  
"You can't enter a mortal's dwelling without being invited first." I growled in anger this time.  
  
"You could have told me earlier!" I was pissed he opportunity was shot now. They knew I was here.  
  
"So young. Let them simmer a bit, the fear will make their blood taste all the sweeter." I looked at her doubting. I wanted to have fun tonight, more importantly I wanted my revenge tonight, but there was no helping it now. "Come, we'll feast on someone else." I shrugged and followed her.  
***  
Before the end of the week, Darla and I had eaten our way through most of the town. I killed friends and relatives alike, just passing the time before I went for my current goal. That night finally came, I left Darla to her own fun and I headed back to my 'home.' I had to get invited inside and I knew exactly how I was going to do it. I estimated that I had at least five hours of night left and I planned to use every moment of it.  
  
I looked into the den, careful to stay to the shadows. Amusement flickered in my brown eyes when I saw my father. He was boarding up all the windows, a scared expression fixes on his face. His arm pounded at the wood as fast as it could, yet he seemed to will his arm to work faster. I chuckled before moving on to the next lit window. I smiled when I saw my sister sitting alone in the middle of the bare room, a teddy bear held in her tiny hands. I rapped softly on the widow, loud enough for her to hear, but not so loud as to alert my father. She looked and I could see the tears in her eyes. Her soft brown eyes grew wide in delight when she saw me. I smiled at her innocence. I pointed toward the back of the house. There was a door there and I knew that she could get to it without my father or mother seeing. She squealed in delight and ran toward the door, dragging her worn teddy bear after her. I chuckle lightly. I knew my parents wouldn't tell Kathy about my change. They would want to trouble her after all. I stood by the door and waited for my little sister. The door was pulled open slowly; Kathy was behind it pulling with all the might her one free arm could muster. Her face was screwed up from the exertion, her eyes clenched and her lips pressed together. Her face was starting to turn a bright red. She got the door open and she stood staring at me, wonderment in her eyes.  
"Are you and angel?" She asked, her voice small and high pitched. I smiled at her, not admitting or denying her conclusion. She smiled her giddy ten-year-old smile, taking my silence as a yes.  
  
"May I come in?" I asked, making my voice as melodious as possible. She nodded, still a little dazed at my sudden appearance. I walked in and she jumped into my arms in a fierce bear hug. My smile turned to a smirk as my face changed. I bit down on her neck, and drank her blood greedily, enjoying every drop of my sister's blood. When I finished I threw her little body against the wall and wiped the excess blood of my lips with the back of my hand. I could still hear my father pounding away at the boards in the other room. I whirled around and caught my mother's wrist. She'd come from the kitchen.  
  
"You monster!" She screamed, pounding on my chest and arm, trying to get the hand with the knife in it free. I laughed as I shoved her against the wall. Her head hit with the sweet sound of a crack. She dropped the knife and blood was running down her face. She slumped against me, her mind in a daze from the impact. I shoved her against the wall, bit into her neck and drank her. I propped her up next to Kathy. It was my father's turn. I entered the room to find him still pounding away at the boards. Half the windows in the room were covered now, the boards covering what little light the moon gave out.  
  
"You're no different from the rest of them, are you, father?" My father spun around, the hammer held brought up as a weapon. I could see the fear in his eyes, but it wasn't enough, no I wanted him to die of fright. "Cowering in their houses boarding up the windows smearing that foul herb in the doorways. You'd think something evil and vile and monstrous had taken to terrorizing this village and everyone in it." I could see knew confidence spark in his eyes. "Be gone, unclean thing! A demon cannot enter a home where it's not welcome. It must be invited!" My eyes sparkled with amusement, so much confidence. This wouldn't do. I wanted to see his absolute fear.  
  
"That's true. But I was invited." I looked at my sister and mother slumped against the far wall. I heard him gasp. His mouth worked yet nothing came out.  
  
"She thought I returned to her an angel." I laughed. My father ran at me raising the hammer.  
  
"Murderer!" I easily thwarted his attack. He landed on the ground in a heap. He looked so weak, so pathetic.  
  
"Strange. Somehow you seemed taller when I was alive." My father crawled to press his back against the wall.  
  
"Lord, bind this demon now." His whole body was shaking, chills ran down his spine.  
  
"To think I ever let such a tiny, trembling thing make me feel the way you did." I felt so powerful now. All my life this one man had been the terror of my waking, sober hours. But now I was in charge, I was the cause of the fear. It felt good, it felt really good. My father continued to pray and make the sign of the cross, hoping it would protect him from his demon son.  
  
"I pray ye, give me your protection, Father."  
  
"You told me I wasn't a man." I was closing in on him. "You told me I was nothing and I believed you. You said I'd never amount to anything." The closer I came the wider my father's eyes got. "Well, you were wrong." I changed to my vampire form. His already large eyes got even wider. "You see, father? I have made something out of myself after all." I put my hand over his face and a bit him. I could taste the fear in his blood, making it much sweeter. Suddenly all the other feed I'd had that night just couldn't amount to this new taste in the blood. I pushed the now empty body away from me and pushed it toward the others. I wanted more. I'd become addicted to the fear that made the blood sweet. I sat at the table that my family had eaten dinner on these many years. Of course it wasn't often that I was allowed to eat at this table. My father was always mad at me for some reason. I propped my feet up on the table and played with my father's pipe. I smirked lightly; they wouldn't be eating here anymore.  
  
"This contest is ended, is it?" I glanced up, I already knew who it was. I smiled at her and viewed my conquest.  
  
"Now I've won." My smile became a smug bragging smile.  
  
"You're sure?" Her blue eyes sparkled. They were always sparkling. I took my feet off the table and picked up a half finished mug of ale. "Of course. I proved who had the power here."  
  
"You think?"  
  
"What?" I had seen the fear in my father's eyes before his death, didn't that mean I had power? Yes, of course it did, I had the power of his fear.  
"You're victory over him took but moments." I could hear the slight laughter in her voice. What did she mean? Of course it only took moments. He was weak. I looked to my father, then to Darla. I stood up and walked over to her.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"But his defeat of you will last life times." Her hand trailed down my jaw line.  
  
"What are you talking about? He can't defeat me now." He couldn't defeat me. He was dead.  
  
"Nor can he ever approve of you in this world or any other. What we once were informs all that we have become." I looked to my father. I didn't understand. "The same love will infect our hearts even if they no longer beat." I looked to my mother's and sister's body. "Simple death won't change that."  
  
"Love? Is this the work of love?" It couldn't be. You didn't kill those you love, did you? No, I hated them, that's why I killed them. Darla stepped closer to me her smile soft and gentle. Well, as soft and gentle as a vampire can be.  
  
"Darling boy. So young. Still so very young."  
  
So what do u all think? It's good? It's bad? I'd really like to know so review! 


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